The League
by Christoph Andretti
Summary: After a few months of inactivity, Kaoru has had enough of the Host Club ignoring each other. Not only that, but Hikaru has become more depressive from Haruhi's relationship with Tamaki. What can save these relationships from splintering apart? Fantasy Football, of course. However, that is only a catalyst. Can the Club survive in Boston? Pairings Aplenty. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


Kaoru was sick.

Not physically at the moment. However, he started to feel a little light-headed a few days ago. However, he figured it was more due to Hikaru's constant buzzing in his head. Kaoru was at Hikaru's apartment much more (no, they decided to not share one). The ostentatiously decorated room had brick walls covered in cubist paintings and sketches of dresses. However, the lights were off, and the shades were drawn over the large windows looking out on the city of Boston.

Whenever he entered the room and smelled the old Chinese takeout, Kaoru did feel physically sick.

Many people around him would think that travelling a few thousand miles to stay together with a small group of people would reinvigorate their bond. Sadly, those individuals would be sadly mistaken.

It was a cool autumn Thursday. The raking leaves swirled like a twister around the charcoal sidewalk. Dark clouds loomed overhead like a vulture looking for prey in a desert. However, the Hitachiin twins were sitting inside in darkness all their own. Hikaru was in a dark blue bathrobe. Kaoru swaddled himself in a light blue sweatshirt.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Hikaru asked.

"This is something better to do. I don't see you trying to be exciting."

Hikaru turned on the television and started to scroll through the channels. "Exciting? You act like you go to a strip club every other day."

"It actually is a strip club on Saturdays," Kaoru said.

Hikaru kept thumbing the remote control. The TV guide rolled down through the foreign selections.

"American Television sucks."

"I think it's great."

"You could get mugged at a baseball park and you'd enjoy it."

"It's called Fenway Park, and I'm sorry that I can enjoy things for once. Why are you so cranky?"

Hikaru sneered "I thought I was always cranky."

Kaoru looked at Hikaru with an almost pitiful expression. He inched closer over the cool leather couch and touched Hikaru's shoulder. "Is Haruhi ignoring you?"

"No."

Kaoru sighed. It was a small secret between the Club members that Hikaru had a crush on Haruhi. So when Tamaki and Haruhi became a real item, Hikaru became crasser than usual. Kaoru sipped the mug of brown cappuccino and licked away the frothy drink from his pink lips.

"So she is."

"I can't help it if she's busy with you-know-who. She can do whatever she wants."

"We can't say Tamaki's name, now?"

"Y'know, there's a reason I didn't say his name."

"Whatever. I'm actually meeting up with Haruhi later today."

"Good luck. You'll need it with her."

Twerk's Bar and Grill doubled (or tripled) as a strip club and comedy club. The management prided itself on having a multi-purpose facility, and it seated well with the patrons. Including Kaoru, who had just learned about it a month ago.

With no other hobbies, Kaoru saw a class on stand-up comedy. It was free, and he and Hikaru prided themselves on having the funny bones of the Host Club. So why not?

As Kaoru brooded over his hot Latte, he noticed something strange on the television.

Up at the television, a news program was playing. However, instead of the normal two anchors, a short Lolita boy with large brown eyes and blue hair was eating a plate of chocolate cake. Next to him was a tall man with black hair and obsidian eyes looking at the camera in a melancholy daze.

"Hey there," the boy said in a high-pitched voice. "Welcome back to the show, Kao-chan. Takashi missed you."

Mori grunted next to him.

"Glad you're actually out in public instead of crying in a corner alone. You know that's Tama-chan's job, right?" The boy giggled.

"Too bad. Even though you're in public, you're still alone," Mori said.

"All by yourself," Honey said with a smile.

"With no one to talk to," Mori said in his low voice.

"Go ahead and put that gun in your mouth, Kao-chan. No one wants you here"

Kaoru blinked.

The normal anchors appeared again.

The ginger-haired boy let out a deep sigh and swirled around the cinnamon oatmeal on his plate. He had to admit; the streaking water in the river outside was looking much more inviting on this dreary day instead of the plastic scrambled eggs on the yellow plate.

"I thought you'd pick something nicer than this place."

Kaoru looked up. Haruhi looked the same as she always had. Her short chestnut hair was cropped over her forehead. The large doe-like honey eyes bore down at his slouched figure. She had a small smile on her heart-shaped face. With the shove of her bag onto the red plastic of the booth seat, she sat in front of him.

"Long time, no see."

Kaoru coughed. "I mean, it's been a month."

"I know. You'd think Hikaru would have grown up."

"It's not like that, Haruhi."

"Really?"

"Actually, it's exactly like that. Which is why I need your help in getting the Club back together."

Haruhi gasped. "Whoa. You want to start the Club again?"

Kaoru snorted. "Are you insane. I meant just bring them together. We haven't seen each other in a while. And I have a Bringer Show in two days. It's short notice, but no one has a birthday for a few months, and I don't think Hikaru is going to Tamaki's Christmas parties anytime soon. How is he, anyway?"

"He's his normal, sappy self. In the middle of class, he texted me to leave it."

"So you did?"

"No. I made him wait outside. Turns out, he got reservations at the Love Shack. And you know those are hard to get." 

"So you slept with him."

Haruhi threw an onion ring at Kaoru. "No. Why would you ask that?"

"It'd happen at some point."

"Get your head out of the gutter. It's a restaurant."

"That's never stopped anyone before."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Anyway, tell Hikaru that I'm happy with Tamaki, and I hope he moves on."

"You could be nicer about it. I am his brother, by the way."

Haruhi adjusted some of her hair. "Sorry, Kaoru. Tamaki is very high-maintenance, and I guess I do feel bad about what happened to Hikaru."

"SO you're going to dump Tamaki and be with Hikaru."

"Not that sorry. So what about this little reunion you want?"

"I think that seeing the Club would help him. And all of us. Isn't that why we all came to Boston? We're all not even ten miles away from each other, and we haven't gotten together in about three months."

"Fine. I know Honey and Mori will be for it. Tamaki will be easy."

"And I'll handle Hikaru."

"So who's gonna deal with Kyoya?"

Kaoru leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Y'know, Kyoya's always been a bit gay for Tamaki. Just get him on board, and you should be good."

"I don't think you should be talking about being gay."

"Why not?"

Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"I'm not gay!" Kaoru said.

Haruhi raised up her palms. "All I'm saying is that, if anybody from the Host Club ever turned out gay, it would be you."

The show started at Eight. The room was filled with a few couples and some people bringing friends. The tables were moved towards the stage. Red curtains draped the wooden tables.

Tamaki and Haruhi sat towards the front. Good for them, considering Hikaru was in the back. Honey and Mori were towards the shadowy side, and nobody knew if Kyoya was there. Actually, nobody save for Haruhi and Kaoru knew any of the others were there. It would be the only way to get them together after the show. Other than straight up asking. But that never got anybody anywhere.

Kaoru took a swig of water and walked towards the stage.

"Ladies and gentleman," a voice transmitted through the crowd. "Make applause for our first act all the way from Japan. It is Kaoru…Hitachiin!"

Kaoru came out in a black suit and gelled up hair. He walked out and grabbed the microphone from the stand. "Thanks, Chris, for introducing me. Isn't that great? He actually mentioned where in Japan I'm from. Most people never do that. Mostly because nobody cares. They only mention that you're from an Asian country, and that's it. No one cares that you're from Xiang Li, Wherever. They only care if you're yellow." The crowd laughed.

"That's a problem I've always had. But I shouldn't be complaining. Mostly because I'm Japanese. We are basically the white people of Asia anyway." Kaoru grinned when he heard more laughter."

"Then again, I've always had different problems. Love, women, suicide, you name it. The problem is that they're all the same thing." The crowd laughed again.

"You see, all those three can make a guy really depressed, an I'm no exception. But you wanna know the worst part about anti-depressants? Besides the fact that you're on them? It's not the insecurity or sadness of wondering if you'll ever become an active member of society again.

"The fear of suicide? Nah?"

"The cost of them? Again, first world problems."

"No, it's because it absolutely kills your libido."

The crowd laughed.

"I'm serious. It's like a ball of play-doh down there."

A few more chuckles.

"So not only am I Asian, but I also have that hurdle to come through. Literally."

In the front, Tamaki was flabbergasted. He knew that the two devils of twins could produce such raunchy jokes, but he didn't believe that they would go so far as to associate themselves with it in public. Haruhi, meanwhile, was politely tapping her fingers on the table, waiting for the next water bottle to come her way from the kitchen.

"Besides that, I have to ask the nice ladies here tonight: Why are you all such assholes?"

More laughter rippled through the crowd as Kaoru continued to prowl around on the stage.

"I'm dead serious. You get all worked up about trying to meet some great guy at the bar. You go there, and whaddya know? I'm right there."

A few whistles ran through the crowd.

"And it seems that names is where I always fuck up. It's like I'm mugging a girl whenever I ask for their name. They just won't tell me. And it makes me feel worse knowing that, even if things go right, I still won't have a good run in bed with them."

"So now I feel even more insecure. And the therapy I go to doesn't help. The other day, I was there, and the guy asked me, "do you think people dislike you because you are obnoxious?' So I asked him why he said that about me. 'But I didn't.' Yes you did, idiot. You're the only one that thought I was obnoxious until now. It's people like those that make me wish I had Ebola just so I could get them sick."

A few gasps escaped from the air along with some shocked guffaws.

"Yeah, my insides will literally be dissolving inside me, but I will feel so much better knowing you'll be suffering with me."

"So, in short, I am now a complete, sad, nervous wreck. And it is all because of the anti-depressants. Thank you."

The crowd let out an appreciative roar of laughter as Kaoru took a quick bow. Then, he ran backstage.

Right into Kyoya.

**Thank you for joining me today ladies and gentleman. This is a very experimental story, and I will continue it if I receive good reviews and ratings. Otherwise, I may just continue it anyway. Please let me know what you think. It takes like ten seconds to review. Consider it your good deed of the day. Thank you!**


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